The Light

There is light.

Inside each of us,

the source flickers.

Others confuse me,

tangle my thoughts.

What about us?

What about me?

Escaping the grid.

I find my way,

back to the love.

All connected,

we shine.

Joining together,

we can find peace.

In honor of the UN's International Day of Peace:
Photos by Mona Hatoum A performance- and installation artist born in Beirut, Lebanon. Poem by me.

Cheapie cookies

Ant came up to me in the kitchen and asked, "What are those?" to which I replied, "Oh. Those. They are cheapie cookies." "Cheapie cookies?" he said, with an air of trepidation. "What are cheapie cookies?!" For Ant, and for you, my cherished blog readers... here is an explanation.

Cheapie cookies are soft, white, doughy supermarket bakery cookies that are iced with extremely sweet frosting, and topped with carnival colored sugar sprinkles. They are no ordinary cookie. They are consumed under very certain circumstances (and usually only one at a time, as the sweetness dictates). Here it is, my top 10 reasons to resort to this most cherished of treats.

1. When you are feeling like you are having a "country western" kind of heart break day, the bleached, cheap goodness comforts that achy breaky heart. Sliced apple, cheese sticks, a handful of nuts and rice cakes do not work when that sad song keeps playing in your head. Trust me.
2. Missing the joy of weddings because at your age, you aren't getting invited to them? This cookie tastes exactly like wedding cake. Just hum the wedding march as you take a bite... and you're transported!
3. Too old to get a proper birthday with all the trimmings? Every day can be your special day! The cookie is soft enough to hold a candle or two, if you want to go all the way - - and why not?
4. Your children will understand the allure of very cheap sugar. This opens up the opportunity to bond over an indulgence you know is a memory in the making. "Oooh, Mom, better not tell anyone you bought these!" and "Do you remember those super sweet cookies Mom used to buy? Crazy, right?"
5. Hormone fluctuations gone wild. The older you get, the more difficult it is to manage the energy levels. In a pinch, a cheapie cookie will boost your sugar levels for that thirty minutes you really need to perform. Just plan for a pretty big drop after the power boost... It is, after all, only a baked good.
6. Cultural class experiment. We were just invited to a parent social, and asked to bring something to share. You learn a lot about your friends when they are willing to dive into a trashy treat with both hands. Those who snub the little festive cookie probably think it's too white trash! Worse, they might even be overheard saying, "It's just not worth the calories." Are these the kind of folk you want as friends?
7. 4:30 pm. I don't know about you, but this is my least favorite time of the day. Getting fed up with chores by then, facing down the "what's for dinner challenge", being asked to help with homework I don't understand, and quite honestly, needing to break a few rules. Ladies, you have a number of options here... but remember the consequences!
8. Lonely milk. There is nothing more sad than a glass of milk all by itself. After a cheapie cookie, you will want to rinse those teeth so badly that the milk will taste three times as good. I know. Synergy, eh?
9. Beat the blands! Red, pink, blue, purple, yellow, white! What other food offers a rainbow of colors to delight the eye while satisfying the taste buds?
10. Save money. During these difficult times, cheap thrills really count for something. At an amazingly cheap .39 a cookie, it's no wonder these little gems are appropriately named "cheapie cookie". Never mind the ingredients list that includes (not kidding) 43 ingredients (OK, this is worrying) - it is still a miracle that our supermarket provides something that gives so much, for so little.

Make That Change

This summer I have been unable to concentrate - and writing takes concentration (so apologies for dropping the blogger ball). On many days, a facebook status update has been about all I can manage. If you know me, you know this is a rarity. I am a talker and writer by nature! So today, I decided to post a book recommendation instead of telling a story. Short, sweet, and no less interesting than the usual stuff I blather on about... and an attempt to break the blogger silence and get my distracted ass in gear.

"The Four-Day Win" is ostensibly a "diet book", but for me, has been SO much more. It is written by one of my favorite smart gal resources, Martha Beck. In it, the reader is offered an amazing journey, discovering the origins of why we lose our way and do self destructive things (eating being just one of many wayward options). Additionally, with science-based exercises and behavioral strategies, the reader is given the means to get their shit back together and make lasting change. Reread that last sentence. For this reason alone, you should check out this book!

The four day part of the book is all about trying new things for 4 days. That's long enough to see if it works (for you), and develop a new habit. For instance, in the book, Martha explores the right/left brain play (when you are deciding what to do with your day/life one side or the other is usually bossy) and asks you to pose written questions on paper with your right hand, then answer them by writing with your left hand. Weird, right? But you will be AMAZED with the results! I would not have believed it unless I tried it myself. The two hands "say" different things, and this is truly a path to hear two sides of your psyche.

The exercises in the book have heightened my awareness of many things in my life, and allowed me to make real, lasting positive change. The writing style is empathetic, funny and rich with insights. While the focus of the book is helping people to lose weight, you could easily substitute any vice as the bad habit (habitual crutch) you want to change. Knowing, wanting, and doing. Yes, this is always the challenge, isn't it?

Somewhere along the way many of us have forgotten the brain-body connection. One of my favorite quotes in the book (and I paraphrase because I can't be bothered to find the actual quote in this rather big book): "It is impossible to have a thought in your head and not create a physical manifestation in your body." Like, whoa. Helps explain the headaches...

One thing I know for sure. These are tough times, and somehow everyone needs a way to fortify themselves to make it through the day (From me to you, try to give and get as many hugs and kisses as possible. Touch is a powerful thing.). I think the wisdoms in this book teach you to get what you need without ingesting or spewing toxic matter. And that's a good thing.

Happy reading.

Five Dollar Croutons

Yesterday, I'm walking down the aisle at our local Albertson's market, when I spot a cellophane bag no taller than my hand, filled with "artisan gourmet garlic herb croutons". I thought to myself, "I bet they're good, and would cheer up the salad I have planned for tonight. With that, and the pine nuts and balsamic vinaigrette it might be pretty nice (because eating salad for the millionth time does not always fill me with joy)." I picked up the lovely packaging and glanced down at the price tag, which announced the appx. 20 mini-chunks of bread would cost me five dollars. What?! Is there a mistake here? Five dollars to have someone else let some bread go stale, spray it with a bit of garlic oil and dried herbs and stuff it in this (not to be ignored) lovely bag? Immediately I decided, nope, not worth THAT!

However, I did buy incredibly expensive shampoo online this month ($55 for a liter bottle), but justified that (to Ant, who asked, "Is this AmEx statement accurate, gulp.?") by saying it smells really good, makes my hair soft and full, and works out to be only a dollar per use. All this is an introduction into my highly personal top 10 things that I think are worth spending your money on. Please, please, pretty please send me your own top 10 list. I LOVE to see what other friends NEED as opposed to WANT! ;-)

Christy's Top 10 Indulgences

1. Maid service. This will be the absolute last thing I cancel if we ever become really poor. I would do without many things before facing the constant monkey on your back that is cleaning your own house. I am a procrastinator and very bad duster... My friend Tam said having a maid service is cheaper than therapy and practically saved her marriage! She's on to something (as usual)!

2. Fresh food. If you want your dinners to taste great, you need to start with fresh, high quality ingredients. This means shopping more often (lettuce that's been in the fridge for 9 days is officially no longer fresh) and resisting all the frozen and canned stuff. Not as convenient, not as cheap, but way more tasty.

3. Fine linen. You lay in your bed every night. You are caressed by the sheets and blankets every night. High thread count sheets are heavenly, and are worth their weight in gold. One more thing... about that mattress. Invest in a good one and your back will thank you! I have a long, crazy story about our adventure in mattress hunting, but that would take way too long to write here. Another blog for that one (teaser: tried one of those tempurpedic mattresses and things went south very quickly!)

4. Great smelling toiletries. A multitude of benefits come with the investment. You smell this stuff ALL day. If it is cheap or clashes, unlucky you! I'm noticing a trend here. I value things that you get a lot of mileage out of. I am, after all, a Pennsylvania Dutch kind of girl :-)

5. Glasses: Been wearing glasses since turning 20. Fun, stylish frames can make your day! Having a choice also makes the burden light. Yes, they are expensive, but what is more important than your sight? Hmmmmm? I currently have 10 pair, and love every one. My current favorites come from Mikli but I also love Beausoleil eyewear!

6. Watches. I know they are now considered "old fashioned" since everyone can see what time it is with their cell phones (if it's charged, ahem), but watches are so lovely, and I wear one every day. I started to love watches when we lived in Holland and the Swatch brand was at its peak. So precise, so colorful, so expressive, so useful. A great watch is a wonderful gift. Lately, I'm digging the home grown funkiness of Nixon watches, but seem to love them all.

7. Flowers. Very girly, I know, but a vase of cut flowers, or a bursting hanging basket on the other side of my kitchen window brightens my day every time. They are one of nature's greatest gifts, and symbolize all kinds of good things. Why not make it a regular part of your day? Some even smell great, too! Whatever you do, don't wait for someone to buy you flowers. It's likely to be because you had a fight, or someone died. Take matters into your own hands (literally) and swoop up a bunch! You're worth it.

8. A pen that works well. Ink that blots, bics that stop clicking, blue ink when you prefer black, dried up nibs... SO annoying when you reach for something that can glide, swirl, and express at the touch of your hand. I great pen is a treasure! Note: pen beat out scissors, but only just. Fiskar's scissor set is a true blessing in a busy house. They're sharp and easy to find.

9. Killer stereo and TV: Ant taught me this one. I used to "cheap out" on them both before he showed me the light (When we met, he sneered at my boom box tape player, but tried to hide his disgust. Oh the shame!). When you live in the burbs and are raising kids, you spend a fair old amount of time at home. Having a "media room" that dazzles the eyes and ears makes life a whole lot nicer. You really do get what you pay for - - so do your homework when choosing a system and save up. High def and surround sound rock da house.

10. This is my guiltiest pleasure of all! Every day I begin the morning with Peet's Italian Roast Coffee @ $13 per pound. Their website tells me that adds up to only 68 cents a cup, but there are way cheaper options out there. But - they wouldn't smell the same or taste the same, and I love my Peet's. If I am lucky enough to visit the cafe, I also get a maple nut scone to go with my latte... cause it is number 10. on my list of top indulgences... plus, I resisted getting that bag of croutons, so surely I can now justify this!

Top 10 things I think are a waste of money (and am rarely tempted to buy...)
1. Designer shoes
2. Designer purses
3. Anything at Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus (even on sale, overpriced remains overpriced!)
4. Wine
5. Fur
6. Prepared food (unless it is take-out. There I make an exception!)
7. Cars
8. Sushi
9. Cigarettes
10. Five dollar croutons

A couple pics

My trip to see American Idol with Jen and Pam, Declan and Jack. May, 09. Good fun!!! Yes, we had to wait in line, but we got to hear Adam and Chris sing. That was terrific...

The douche bag effect

About a year ago, I guess it was when Declan was in 8th grade, he came home knowing a new derogatory term that was a big surprise. That day Jack wouldn't share something, and Declan said, "Jack, don't be such a douche bag!" Having overheard this budding argument, I swooped in and said with great irritation, "Declan, do you even know what you just called your brother?" He replied calmly, "I believe I called him a douche bag, which he deserved." I replied with great intensity (read, shouted), "We don't say that name in this house. It is very gross and unkind! I don't ever want to hear that again!" The boys have learned to go quiet and hang their heads when I yell, and both said, "OK Mom, it won't happen again."

Because I hate even hearing "douche bag" spoken (let alone thinking of the device, ew), I felt further parental influence might be required. I then said, "Let me tell you exactly what a douche bag is..." and proceeded to delicately tell him about the icky device and how/why it is used. Although both boys squirmed at the description (surely, thinking of the visual will put them forever off using the term), it has only slightly lessened the popularity of the phrase. Admittedly, Declan uses the term when he thinks I am not hearing him, but it is a mainstay at school, and unfortunately part of the Westview High School teen vernacular.

Fast forward to last week. I was driving on the 56, when some testosterone driven ass cut me off, and nearly took us both out at high speed. Without any hesitation, with no one in my car, I shouted, "DOUCHE BAG!". Immediately, I began to laugh, because without any thought, the name had become part of my own lousy language list without me even realizing it had slipped in, unnoticed! How disappointing! What a surprise!

Yesterday, as the boys and I drove home from school, Declan was telling me about the gang of boys he hangs out with at lunch. They are a motley, skateboarding, rough edged crew with big hearts and bad grades. He tells me they are "cool" and "loyal" and "funny" and "smart", but for various reasons, are largely not that into any aspect of school. Instead of telling him to run for his life, or forbidding him to hang with these boys, I told him my little story which I will forever refer to as "the douche bag effect". Even when you don't think the outside world is influencing your attitutes and behavior, one day, you wake up, and find yourself shouting at a bad driver, calling him a slang word for vaginal irrigation!

Beware. It can happen to you too... at any age.

Heart-throb Happiness

True confessions. Last week, with three fellow fan-bots, I went to the local High School here in Rancho Penasquitos to stand in a stadium (under the hot sun) to scream my head off in adoration of Adam Lambert. Adam (28) is the local boy who has made it into the top three this season on American Idol, and he came to visit his hometown (my town!) as part of the show. He is also the latest addition to my "heart-throb" list of hunkys I like to watch, listen to, or just generally think about. While I am just a little bit embarrassed to include such a youngster on my list (Clooney, move over to make room), lately, I've decided, "Why not?" Truth is, having a healthy fantasy life is not such a bad thing, especially when you spend too much time on your own and live in the faceless burbs of San Diego. Fifty is coming up fast and hard, and quite frankly, I'm just not ready! I need distraction to ease the transition...

Anyway, there we were in the stands, shaking our "PQ Soccer Moms (heart) Adam" (this was Jen's idea, not mine!) when I realized I literally felt 15 years old again. I was sounding young ("Like, when is he gonna get here. Is that him? Is that a limo! Oh my GOD! It's the limo, and it's white!") I was bouncing up and down on my toes. I was giggling at stuff that wasn't all that funny. I felt the urge to call everyone and tell them what was about to happen. I waved wildly when they drove him by in the bright red mustang. And I felt great friendship with Jen, Mel and Dolores. Because we were all into it, and we were all feeling the buzz at the same time. Celebrity! Tasty man on display! We're outside! He might be looking at me! No, he IS looking at me... Everyone that is here likes what I like! He's singing now! ("Mad World. One of my all time favorite songs! How did he know?") How totally cool!

I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. Go see live events whenever you can. There is something really special about them. You are so much more connected - - and the super bonus is you don't have to endure the interruptions and insult of horrible commercials which wreck "the flow" of the show. Also, seek out discussions about your favorite performances. I LOVE visiting Television Without Pity after watching American Idol. Great snarky commentary on the show with a writer I wish was a close friend.

Recently, I've been enjoying a blog called The Happiness Project. The author is researching every principle, tip, theory and scientific study she can find that points to how you can achieve happiness. I plan to submit an entry that goes something like this:

Collect heart throbs and visit them often. Attractive, talented entertainers of the opposite sex who set your particular heart on fire have a very special place in your happiness toolkit. For relatively little cost, you can reach for them in the form of a movie, mp3 file, magazine spread etc. and instantly feel a lift from their amazing goodness. Think of it as the poor man's visit to an art museum - only by ogling your favorite star, the lift will be more "all over"! Now that's my idea of happiness.

Who is on my top 10 list of male leads? Some old and some new. George Clooney, Paul Newman, David Cook, Adam Lambert, Sting, Daniel Craig, Brad Pitt, Ewan McGregor, Viggo Mortensen, and Jude Law. How about you?!